Kyrie Irving Debuts Signature Shoe Inspired By RFID Chips Government Secretly Implants In Anesthetized Patients

Claiming he wanted a sneaker that reflected his deepest passions, NBA star Kyrie Irving held a press conference to debut his new Nike Kyrie 7 signature shoe, modeled after the RFID chips the government implants in the brains of every citizen who gets anesthetized. “I really wanted a design that speaks to how the government is slowly taking over our minds through intrusive thoughts that are telegraphed into our brains with implanted microchips,” said the Nets point guard, who revealed that engineers worked around the clock testing the hidden GPS tracker in the sole, which monitors not only the wearer’s locations but all their vital signs and transmits the information back to Nike headquarters.